I just realized that I never posted my last two "Rants On Everything Pissing Me Off at the Moment" blogs on here, and only on my Facebook/MySpace. So yeah...I'm gonna go ahead and post both of those now. However, since they're already considerably long, I'm going to do it in two separate blogs as opposed to just one blog, because if I were to combine the two into one, it would be WAY too long. So yeah...I'm gonna go ahead and do it in two. So there. Part 7 can be found directly below, and Part 6 can be found in the next blog below this one, both as they were originally written on my Facebook/MySpace. So yeah. Word up to ya mutha.
I promised there would be another one. And I’m not one to go back on my word. So, without getting into too much info before I even start, I bring you - Rants On Everything Pissing Me Off at the Moment: Part 7.
Now, in my last post, I attacked two main points: the Christianity and the Straightedge labels. And last time, I mentioned that I wanted to focus on other topics like this, specifically vegetarianism. Which I am now going to do. So prepare yourselves, because, as with my last post, there’s a good chance this will offend you. Buckle up, douchebags: you’re in for a ranty ride. (Hahaha…that sounded awesome…I am amazing…)
Sooo…vegetarianism. Where to begin with how much this topic has the tendency to aggravate me? Hmm…well, maybe beginning with myself is a good place to start. Because, guess what? For basically three or so months, I was a vegetarian. I know. Shocking. Sickening, in fact. I decided I wanted to try to go vegetarian because I thought it would be “healthier.” And, fact of the matter is, for a lot of people, cutting meat out of their diet does make them healthier. In my case, however, that wasn’t so, because instead of eating meat, I ate a bunch of crap. In the words of Dana, it was pretty much like, “Ooh, cupcake! That doesn’t have meat in it! *CHOMP!*”
I eventually realized that cutting meat out of my diet didn’t make me any healthier, and therefore decided to drop the vegetarian thing. Not only that, but there was no freaking way that I was going to make it through Thanksgiving Day with just plain mashed potatoes and some cranberry sauce. Because, quite frankly, I love meat, and I was not ready to completely give up my turkey, meaty stuffing, and every other non-vegetarian food item all smashed and piled together on one plate with a 24 ounce river of meaty gravy poured over the top. Heck. No. So, my last day as a vegetarian was the day before Thanksgiving. And Thanksgiving morning, I woke up, knowing that my true destiny of being an omnivore had been re-instated. And I was one very happy, very meat-loving SOB that day, you better believe it.
Now, what’s my whole problem with vegetarians/vegetarianism/
Like I said, more often than not, it’s the people. Because, quite frankly, many vegetarians are just…well, douchebags, to be honest. Again, pardon my unfair generalization, because not everyone is like this, but a lot of people are. It’s like, people who don’t eat meat need to, A, rub it in your face that they don’t and you do and therefore that makes them more superior, and B, constantly badger you about why they’re vegetarian and why you absolutely need to be as well. That pisses me off. Look, just because you want to live your life without touching a chicken nugget doesn’t mean that I want to or should have to. Those people chose to be vegetarians, and I chose not to be. End of story. I shouldn’t be constantly hounded by these people every time that I eat around them simply because I’m eating something that they don’t like. That’s stupid, and really freaking annoying.
Look at it this way: say you’re a Christian, and you have someone come up to you who’s Buddhist, or Hindu, or Muslim, or even a Zoroastrian. Take your pick – it doesn’t really matter. Now, say this person who is affiliated with this other religion starts badgering you about why your religion is wrong, and why theirs is right, and why you need to stop believing what you believe and start believing what they believe right away, because otherwise you’re committing some huge, immoral sin or whatever. Can you picture that in your head? Do you get how annoying and stupid that is? Because that’s what has happened to me a million times, only I’m not a Christian (relatively speaking), and that person is not Buddhist or Muslim or whatever. Try replacing me with a person who eats meat, and the other person with someone who is a vegetarian. Yeah, that’s what it’s like.
I don’t understand why people who don’t eat meat seem to take it personally whenever I eat meat in front of them or something. It’s like, what, am I not supposed to enjoy a meal? Am I only supposed to eat meat around my meat-eating friends, and then stick to vegetables and tofu and soy around my non-meat-eating friends? Because, quite frankly, that’s the most retarded idea ever. If I was eating with a vegetarian, I wouldn’t expect them to eat meat too, just because I do, and I certainly wouldn’t take offense if they were to eat something without meat. So why should they take it personally if I do eat a nice, big slab of steak? It doesn’t make any sense to me. If anything, it just pisses me off.
Also, most people who are vegetarians – or, I should say, most of the ones I know anyway – don’t eat or stopped eating meat because it’s “wrong.” They think that it’s wrong to kill animals for food, that it’s inhumane; basically that’s it’s one of the worst things a person can do. Now, again, if you believe in that, that’s all fine and well, and I say, good for you. However, I also say, ARE YOU FREAKING RETARDED?!
First of all, since when has eating animals become a bad thing? Why is it wrong to eat the meat off an animal? I’m going to go back to the age-old argument that, if we were not civilized beings like we are today, all of use would be running around fields right now, probably butt naked, and feasting on animals, probably with the bones and fur still attached. Hell, we’d probably be eating each other, if it came down to it. However, one might then argue that we are a civilized society, though, and therefore should have the common knowledge and decency not to eat animals. But guess what? That gene still hasn’t kicked in on me. I still like my animal flesh, thank you very much, and lots of other people do, too. Why? Because it’s not freaking wrong. Why is eating an animal wrong? Because it was living? Well, guess what, douchebags, all those vegetables you’re eating are living things, too! Just because they don’t grow fur and hop around and take a dump in your backyard doesn’t mean that they’re not living. And how about that tofu you’re eating? Guess what? That came from a soy bean, and that soy bean was a living thing. So, really, you’re still eating something that was once alive. And now you killed it, and processed it into a tasteless block of white mush that you’re using as a meat substitute. Bravo, retards. You lose. (For the record, I actually like tofu. However, I like real meat way better. One small piece of ground beef could kick a block of tofu’s ass any day of the week.)
Oh, and another thing: if you were standing out in nature, and you walked up to a freaking bear and were like, “Hey, I’m a vegetarian, so I’m not going to eat you,” it would waste no time in knocking your head clean off. Why should we feel bad about killing animals if animals don’t feel bad about killing us? As far as I’m concerned, every shark that I eat is one less shark that’s going to eat me.
Some people might still say that it’s wrong to be killing animals for food. But guess what? We’re doing the planet a favor. If we weren’t eating meat, all of the animals in the world would be all over each other, reproducing like there was no freaking tomorrow, and before you know it, there’d be eighteen bears living in my house and I’d be dead. And then what? No more freaking humanity, that’s what. We’re not eliminating species by eating meat; we’re keeping them under control so that they don’t eat us. Not only that, but a lot of cattle is raised specifically to be eaten, anyway. Again, I know there’re people sitting there reading this saying, “That’s so inhumane!! We shouldn’t be raising animals just so that they can die for our food!” Well, guess what? One, if we didn’t kill ‘em for food, they’d die eventually anyway. This way, we’re actually using the animal as opposed to just wasting it. Second, by raising cattle and chickens and other animals specifically to be butchered, it means that we’re saving all of your precious, natural wildlife. By breeding and raising cattle, we’re saving all of the wild ones that were out there on their own from the get go. So shut up.
Then there’s the slaughterhouses. Vegetarians are all like, “Oh, slaughterhouses are so terrible! They kill the animals and chop them up and process them and give them to stores to sell to us!”
…
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ARGUMENT?! Of COURSE they cut the animals up! What, you expect them to just shoot a cow and then hang it in the grocery store, fully intact with all it’s organs and eyeballs and stuff hanging out? Are you really that retarded? Of course they’re going to cut the darned thing up, and of course they’re going to butcher it and process it and everything. What else are they going to do? Good Lord Almighty… And as for slaughterhouses being an inhumane way to kill an animal, let me just ask you one question: is there really any humane way to do it? No. They’re not going to read it a story, give it a dish of ice cream and a pat on the back, and just hope that it dies within the next few minutes so that they can eat it. They have to kill it. Point blank. Therein might lie your problem, but guess what? Eating my roast beef sandwich far surpasses my care for whether or not my cow was killed “properly” or not.
Another thing I don’t quite understand is why it’s okay for vegetarians to eat some kind of meat – say, fish – but not others – say, beef, chicken, or pork. Now, granted, when I was a vegetarian, I did eat fish and wouldn’t eat any other form of meat, but again, bear in mind that I was doing it more for health reasons and not because I’m against killing animals for food. But for those that say it’s wrong to kill a cow in order to have a hamburger, why is it then okay for someone to catch and kill a fish in order for you to have a bowl of tuna salad? That makes no sense to me whatsoever. Also, why is it okay for you to wear a leather belt or leather-soled shoes when the leather came from a cow’s hide? If you’re against killing an animal for fur, then why not killing it for leather? And really, if you’re that concerned about the welfare of animals, why even drink milk that comes from a cow in “captivity?” Or eating eggs that come from chickens who are kept in similar circumstances? After all, isn’t that like eating an aborted chicken fetus? Let’s just say all dairy products in general; if it’s got milk in it, why are you eating it? As far as I’m concerned, being a vegetarian because you’re all for animal rights is bullshit. It’s like your saying, “I’m not going to eat meat because it’s wrong!” but then turning around and saying, “I’ll have an egg-salad sandwich and a glass of milk because it’s not the same thing.” That is freaking ridiculous. I think vegans are even more insane than vegetarians, but at least they’re sticking to what they really believe. My thoughts are basically either be a vegan, or be a meat-eater. There should be none of this, “in-between” BS. Because that’s just stupid.
Still, the thing that probably confuses and pisses me off the most is the concept of “fake meat.” Again, I’ll admit that, when I went veggie, I was a person who bought and consumed some of this so-called “fake meat.” I ate Boca Burgers, Gardenburger Ribs, Morningstar Chicken Patties, and some crazy off-brand soy Salami lunch meat. But again, let me remind you that I wasn’t against eating animals; I was doing it for health reasons. Let me also remind you that, looking back, I realize I was being a moron when I chose to become a vegetarian. That being said, let me continue.
I don’t understand why so many vegetarians who are so opposed to eating meat because it’s supposedly morally wrong would eat a MEAT SUBSTITUTE. So, what, because it’s made with soy or tofu or tempeh or something instead of actual meat makes it okay? Um, NO. It’s IMITATING MEAT. People are eating it because it TASTES LIKE MEAT, FEELS LIKE MEAT, SMELLS LIKE MEAT, and REMINDS THEM OF MEAT, it’s just a “vegetarian version” of it. Heck, that’s why I was eating it, and I’ll be damned if other vegetarians/vegans aren’t eating it for the same reasons. It’s not like they’re going, “Well, I just want to buy all of these meat substitutes because I feel like it.” No, they are deliberately buying them, because it allows them to enjoy meat, without actually eating meat. And, in my humble (but nonetheless right) opinion, that’s called cheating, boys and girls.
Vegetarians need to learn that, if they want to not eat meat, then fine. However, they also need to know that, if they’re doing it for animal right’s reasons, then again, while it’s totally their choice and their prerogative and, really, I have no say in the matter, that I am still going to think that they are retarded. Point blank. If you’re going to be a vegetarian, fine. That’s your choice. However, remember that it’s my – and millions of other people’s – choice to not be a vegetarian, and that, since we don’t sit here day in and day out trying to force you to eat meat, that you should do us the same favor. We already know that you think it’s wrong that we’re eating meat and that you have chosen not to eat it, and fine, whatever, that’s cool; you also know, however, that we don’t think it’s wrong, and that we do enjoy eating it, otherwise we wouldn’t be eating burgers, right? So seriously: freaking back off. Really, no one else cares that you’re a vegetarian, and you’re only pissing people off by rubbing in their faces that you are and that we’re all basically going to hell for not doing the same. So really, just lay off. You go back to shoveling blocks of tofu in your mouth, and I’ll get on with eating my large, rather appetizing looking piece of cow flesh, and we’ll all be fine. Because, I swear, the next vegetarian who tries to preach to me about how what I choose to put in my own mouth is wrong and deeply offends them will wake up to smell of bacon cooking in their room one morning, with piles of raw, bloody meat thrown in piles around their room. Also, in the words of the great, amazing, king of the internet known as Maddox, know that, “For every animal you don’t eat, I’m going to eat three.” So put that in your soy pipes and smoke it.
And of course, JESUS DID NOT HAVE THREE HEADS!!!!!
Photo courtesy of http://maddox.xmission.com
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