Monday, November 22, 2010

Aw, Dad...you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man now, and old people are useless, aren't they? Aren't they?

HOLY CRAP MY BLOG TITLE IS NO LONGER ACCURATE! D: As of October 22nd, I am now officially 20 years old, which means that this blog can no longer be "The Pointless Rantings of a Teenage Nerd," because, of course, I am no longer a teenager. Therefore, this blog - at least for the next ten years - will become known as "The Pointless Rantings of a Twenty-Something Nerd." SO THERE. ENJOY THIS MONUMENTAL MOMENT IN HISTORY.

In other news, I hate my life (no, not really; I just wanted to sound all angsty, since I'm not really gonna be able to do that anymore, what with me not being an angsty little teenager now...mostly my life is fine, just really stressful as of late...), and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 came out last week, which of course I went to at midnight. I am hoping to finally get around to making a post about that tomorrow, which will be in the form of an OMG VLOG!! :DD So yes...that will hopefully be up tomorrow.

Really, that's all the interesting stuff that's been going on lately. To be honest, between full-time work and full-time school, my life is fairly uninteresting. God, barely out of my teens and already I'm boring. FML (like I said, I've gotta get all the angst out now...lulz).

~o~*~o~

"Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life."
-Robert Southey

Monday, September 27, 2010

I’m here today as Luke Skywalker, but I’m also here…to talk about Sprint!

I just realized that I never posted my last rant up here, despite the fact that it was written back in March. Therefore, I am posting it now. Have fun.


'Bout damn time I got another one of these things out, AM I RIGHT?! This rant is long overdue, both in a "series" sense and a topical sense. It's going to be a little less in-depth and OMG REAL PROBLEMS! than the last few rants that I've written, and it's also crazy short, but it is still an important issue and definitely still rant worthy. So, that all being said, let's get to it, yeah? This is - Rants on Everything Pissing Me Off at the Moment: Part 8.

So, the topic of this rant is pretty much retarded parents who decide to give their kids retarded names. Working at Lifetouch, I am unfortunately exposed to hundreds upon hundreds of kids names everyday, and it’s not uncommon to see a few really shitty ones. Take young Harrison Weiner, for example; this poor little boy already had the misfortune of having the last name “Weiner,” and then his parents needed to add to the humility by naming him “Harrison.” That in and of itself is not bad; I couldn’t care less if they named and called him that. Unfortunately, if his parents chose to use the nickname “Harry,” they’re pretty much asking for this kid to be mocked throughout the next 80 years of his life. And how about some great last names? Try Glasscock, Woodcock, Dyke, Gay, Hymen, Areola, and - my all-time favorite - Fuckler (who was a teacher, by the way). Lovely, yes? In all fairness, you don’t really choose your last name, but still - if my last name was Glasscock, I think I’d have it legally changed.

What is the most annoying, though, is when parents name their kids after shitty celebrities/singers/characters/etc. Don’t get me wrong here; sometimes these sorts of names can be super rad. I myself fully intend to name any and all children that I have after a literary character. However, I’m not going to be obnoxious about it; for all my infinite love of the series, I am not going to name my son “Harry Potter,” because that would be annoying and stupid. Some parents, however, choose to go down this road, and end up coming up with some of the most ridiculous names. And there is one in particular that I have seen multiple times, and that bugs me more than all of the others, and what this rant was originally written for. I just came across it again recently and therefore felt the need to specifically point this one out, because it is dumb.

Anakin.

Anakin.

As in, Anakin Skywalker.

What.

The.

AIDS.

Why in the HELL would you name your kid Anakin? I mean, obviously, you’re a Star Wars fan and want to name him after one of those characters, but really? Anakin? You have a plethora of badass names in Star Wars, and you choose Anakin. Anakin. Anakin freaking Skywalker. A wimpy, douchebag little kid who grew up in a junkyard and turned out to be an annoying, whiny son of a bitch who, along with Jar Jar Binks, completely ruined the first movie and who only became cool once he turned into Darth Vader.

Now here is where you might be saying, “But, but he turns into Darth Vader. You said it yourself. Doesn’t that make him cool?” To which I reply, “Hell no.” He’s not like me, where he was born cool and grew up cool and is just all around awesome. Anakin and Darth Vader are like two separate people; Anakin is an irritating little asshole, and Darth Vader? He’s a beast. Seriously, if you were trying to be cool, you should have named your kid Darth Vader. I don’t care if it sounds ridiculous; obviously, you weren’t concerned about that too much if you named your kid Anakin. You name your kid that and he’s going to grow up to be an irritating little shit that no one likes and everyone picks on. You name him Darth Vader, and the other kids in school are going to fear that kid. They’re going to look at him and go, “Fuck, there goes Darth Vader. That kid is so ridiculously cool and intimidating. Let’s go grovel at his feet before he decides to off us.”

I mean, seriously, there is no contest between Anakin and Vader. Like I said, Anakin is this whiny little emo cocksucker who’s all like, “I miss my mom! This isn’t fair! I hate you Obi Wan! I’m going to kill everyone! Waaaaah!” Vader? Yeah, waaaaaay different. He’s like this huge, BA, seven-foot tall Sith Lord with the voice of James Earl Jones and with more Dark Side energy in him than everyone and their mom combined. Also, he can breathe and talk at the same time. The guy is like this force-wielding machine (and is, in fact, part machine in reality) that sliced his own son’s hand off, killed Obi-Wan - his former master - and literally killed Emperor Palpatine with his bear freaking hands. Obviously, he is umpteen times cooler than Anakin. WHAT ABOUT THIS DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND?

Seriously, this is ridiculously annoying. I am a proud, proud nerd, but this is taking nerd to that obnoxious, annoying level that makes everyone who sees you want to punch you in the glasses and shove your head into a toilet, before stealing your lunch money to go buy a pack of cigarettes (I don’t even smoke, and yet I would do that if I ever had the misfortune of knowing one of these assclowns). Really, people; grow the hell up and maybe make some real friends, so that, when you produce another retarded offspring - something that seems like it would be too complicated for your dipshit brain, considering you were stupid enough to name your first kid Anakin - they’ll have the mind to punch you in the dick when you suggest to name your second child “Jar Jar” (which would be inevitable if you named your first kid Anakin; it would only make sense that you would name both of your kids after shitty characters), and maybe, just maybe, that’ll make you change your mind and give your kid a normal name. Or at the very least, a less obnoxious one.

That being said, let’s leave off with the customary: JESUS DID NOT HAVE THREE HEADS!!!!!

End of Rant.



~o~*~o~

“Hello. I’m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It’s all lies. But they’re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn’t that the real truth? The answer is: No.”
-Leonard Nimoy in a guest appearance on The Simpsons

Sunday, March 07, 2010

I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day... now I'm lucky to find half an hour a week in which to get funky.

I am totally a pretentious music snob. With the exception of my brother, I am completely convinced that I listen to better music than anyone I know. Generally, if there's one thing that I get really irritated at with the people I know, it's when they listen to terrible, awful music and sit there and think that it's the shit, when it obviously isn't. I also hate when you ask someone what kind of music they like, and they go, "I love everything!" when, by "everything," they actually mean "everything on Top 40 Radio." In contrast, I also hate people who go, "Top 40 Radio is shit, I only like cool indie stuff!" and pretty much think that they're the shit because they listen to underground, non-conformist, indie/rock/etc music, when in reality, they listen to some of the most mainstream of these genres, like Modest Mouse or Iron and Wine or something. On a similar note, I hate how emo/metal/scene/etc kids are like, "ALL OTHER MUSIC SUCKS - METAL IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO AND LYK OMG IT'S SO GR8!" when in reality, most music associated with emo/metal/scene/etc kids is usually some of the shittiest of all. I hate how close-minded some people are when it comes to music, because in my opinion, music, like any other form of art, is something that you really can't be close-minded about. And, I hate how everyone and their mom seems to think they can make music - and good music at that - when 99% of the trendy 13 year old tards that start MySpace pages for the music they make with their Rock Band mic and a shitty, ten year old copy of Acid on the computer in their parents basement makes my ears bleed and makes me feel like my organs are being harvested from my still-alive body while a small child pukes in my mouth.

Yes, I am a totally pretentious music snob, and one who's not afraid to tell you that you listen to shitty music. I guess that might make me a little close-minded too, but you know what? I don't give a shit. The point is, I listen to better music than you.

End of rant.

~o~*~o~

"What's the worst thing, that could happen
We find out that we don't quite fit
But on the flip side, we could be just right
And sure there's the chance
That we'll both end up broken and split
But that's my kind of risk

I'm not trying to make you think
This is some kind of great big deal
I just know exactly how you feel"
-First Person, Jenny Owen Youngs

Friday, February 19, 2010

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.


Haven't read this yet? Do so. Now.

That is all.

~o~*~o~

"I'm conflicted
I inhale now I'm addicted
To this place
To you babe
I can't stay away
Can't stay away
We get up, we go down
Then we go one more round
It's wrong, they say
I can't stay a- I can't stay away
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away"
-I Can't Stay Away, The Veronicas.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

God, I know you're busy...you know watching women changing clothes and all...

Holy AIDS, have I been busy recently. I spent last week in Isla Mujeres, Mexico with my parents, which was pretty shpadoinkle, let me tell you. I will probably post some pictures in the near future from that; you know, once we go through all nine thousand of them. :P This week has been crazy at work, as I've been busy trying to catch up with the stack of reorders that built up for the five days of work I missed while I was in Mexico. My free time has been spent trying to unpack and tidy up my room a bit (the latter of which I've failed at pretty miserably), drawing (I started getting back into a bit of drawing for the first time in a long time while I was on vacation - again, pics to follow in an upcoming post), reading the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series (which is fantastic, FYI), and trying to fight off a ridiculous sinus infection I woke up with on Sunday (yuck).

Lucky for me (though in terms of my paycheck, it's a bit unlucky), we've been reduced to 32 hours a week at work, meaning I only work four hour days on Thursday and Friday. Hooray! I am taking full of advantage of that, and using my extra time tomorrow to catch up with friends I haven't been able to see in ages; as soon as I finish work at 10am tomorrow, I'm heading over to the U campus to see Nancy. We're meeting at Coffman to shoot some pool and catch up, followed by lunch at our favorite place, Hong Kong Noodles. And of course, after that we have the customary stop at Tea Garden for my large cherry almond shake with strawberry jellies and her regular lychee shake with bubbles. :) That evening, I'm meeting up with Mary after she gets off work, and we're heading over to the Mall of America to stop at one of our favorite spots, Rainforest Cafe. Afterwards, we're hitting up Underwater Adventures, which I am ridiculously stoked for. Finally, after hanging out with her, I'm meeting up with my brother, Sean, Holly, and probably Sika and we're going to Uncommon Grounds in Uptown, where I will have a delicious, true to it's name Orgasmic Chai latte. YUM.

So yes, my day tomorrow is jam packed with friends, food, and fatassedness (yes, I just made up the word). It will be GREAT. Also, I'm following all that up with a Harry Potter photo shoot on Saturday with Kelly. HELL. YES.

Anywhoozle, that is my life for the moment. I would post/write more, but I need to clean this national disaster of an area that I call my room if I want to be able to do any of the aforementioned things tomorrow. :P That is all.

(God, what a boring blog. :P)

~o~*~o~

"I swear when I grow up, I won't just buy you a rose.
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely."
-The Gambler, fun.